So posts about my super awesome family seem to be the most popular, so I thought I would post one about last names this time. No one can forget the wonderful first names my family tree has spawned (Marmaduke, I'm talking to you), but here are some equally amazing last names. If anyone reading this has one of these last names, no ridicule is intended and comfort yourself with the fact that we may be related. Actually, that's not very comforting, but here we go...
1. Butt
Awesome for obvious reasons
2. Rideout
You gotta love last names based on verbs. I kind of want the last name Runfast so people actually thought I was a decent athlete...or maybe Smartbones, so my genius would be implied instead of demonstrated.
3. Blizzard
It seems like my family has always had a penchant for cold climates.
4. Coffin
Beautifully morbid. How can you not love this name?
5. Jollyman
Anyone who has this last name and is not a tubby little man is not taking full advantage of their last name.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Top 5 Features in My Dream House
I'm not asking for much. I don't need a huge swimming pool or a 10 car garage, just these few, relatively inexpensive features. Is this too much to ask for in a future home?
1. Mega Library
For anyone who knows me or, heck, has even met me, knows that the ultimate library is what I aspire to acquire. While the rest of the items on my list would be topping on the sundae, a mega library would make my entire life. Below are a couple examples for the future builder of my house-o-awesomeness:
2. Hidden Passageways/Doors
How killer would it be to just disappear on someone and they are all, like, "Where did they go?" Where did I go you ask? Just through one of my many hidden doors and passageways. Back in the day, one reason these were built is so the comings and goings of servants were as unobtrusive as possible. For me, it would be so I could escape an unwanted guest, murderer, rabid dog, etc. Though why these sketchy characters would be in my house in the first place is beyond me.
3. Tree House
When my sister and I were little, we had the perfect climbing tree in our backyard. Like most kids, we desperately wanted a tree house. What we got was a board up in a tree and a father saying, "Have at it." There weren't any nails to hold it in place, no railings to keep our fragile little bodies from falling to certain death, and no ladder to access it. That board lasted about four seconds. Therefore, my future abode would have a killer tree house. You can call it the fulfillment of a youthful fantasy...because that's what it is. Like my hidden passageways, I would use my tree house to escape people I would rather avoid.
4. Hedge Maze
For some reason these puppies have always signified wealth to me. Maybe it's the perfectly sculptured hedges, the servants required to prune it, or the fact that old English mansions are the only places these things tend to exist, but if I had a hedge maze, I would know that I had made it (if the massive library, hidden doors, and tree house weren't enough).
5. Home Theater
This is probably the only semi-realistic feature that my future home could have. Nothing fancy, just some recliners and a TV. But if I happened to have one of the theaters below, I would not be complaining.
What have we learned here? Apparently, I have the desire to occasionally disappear. Perhaps I can rig it so I can disappear into my library or home theater...maybe even a secret passageway to my tree house. The options are endless--so get building it for me, people!
1. Mega Library
For anyone who knows me or, heck, has even met me, knows that the ultimate library is what I aspire to acquire. While the rest of the items on my list would be topping on the sundae, a mega library would make my entire life. Below are a couple examples for the future builder of my house-o-awesomeness:
2. Hidden Passageways/Doors
How killer would it be to just disappear on someone and they are all, like, "Where did they go?" Where did I go you ask? Just through one of my many hidden doors and passageways. Back in the day, one reason these were built is so the comings and goings of servants were as unobtrusive as possible. For me, it would be so I could escape an unwanted guest, murderer, rabid dog, etc. Though why these sketchy characters would be in my house in the first place is beyond me.
3. Tree House
When my sister and I were little, we had the perfect climbing tree in our backyard. Like most kids, we desperately wanted a tree house. What we got was a board up in a tree and a father saying, "Have at it." There weren't any nails to hold it in place, no railings to keep our fragile little bodies from falling to certain death, and no ladder to access it. That board lasted about four seconds. Therefore, my future abode would have a killer tree house. You can call it the fulfillment of a youthful fantasy...because that's what it is. Like my hidden passageways, I would use my tree house to escape people I would rather avoid.
4. Hedge Maze
For some reason these puppies have always signified wealth to me. Maybe it's the perfectly sculptured hedges, the servants required to prune it, or the fact that old English mansions are the only places these things tend to exist, but if I had a hedge maze, I would know that I had made it (if the massive library, hidden doors, and tree house weren't enough).
5. Home Theater
This is probably the only semi-realistic feature that my future home could have. Nothing fancy, just some recliners and a TV. But if I happened to have one of the theaters below, I would not be complaining.
What have we learned here? Apparently, I have the desire to occasionally disappear. Perhaps I can rig it so I can disappear into my library or home theater...maybe even a secret passageway to my tree house. The options are endless--so get building it for me, people!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Top 5 Future High School Sports
I read today that Kentucky has officially made bass fishing a high school sport. The other state, oddly, is Illinois. If I were a state sport official (which is about as likely as me being able to successfully serve a volleyball) I would make the following sports available to high school students. Hey, maybe someone so volleyball-impaired as myself could even be able to join one while I was in high school. Doubtful, though, since I didn't like staying too long after school and only exerted effort in three areas: Badminton, Big Ball, and Square Dancing. Anyway, here are my genius ideas:
1.Prospecting
With education budgets being slashed in this country, get the kids to make some extra cash by sending them out into a creek with a pan and a shovel.
2. Shoe shining
The kids learn a useful, if increasingly outdated, skill. Also, the teachers can use their remarkably shiny shoes as mirrors to keep an eye on kids...or look up cheerleader's skirts. Maybe even get one of these bad boys:
3. Hopscotch
Add incredibly long courses, a complex set of rules, sudden-death elimination, and "Wipeout"-style obstacles to this childhood game and watch this innocent schoolyard activity become a violent blood orgy.
4. Rubix Cube
While it may not be 1983 anymore, put those video-control fingers to good use and exercise that brain! Instant elimination if you get caught peeling the stickers off and putting them back on. Instant win if you can do it without anyone noticing.
1.Prospecting
2. Shoe shining
3. Hopscotch
Add incredibly long courses, a complex set of rules, sudden-death elimination, and "Wipeout"-style obstacles to this childhood game and watch this innocent schoolyard activity become a violent blood orgy.
While it may not be 1983 anymore, put those video-control fingers to good use and exercise that brain! Instant elimination if you get caught peeling the stickers off and putting them back on. Instant win if you can do it without anyone noticing.
5. Phrenology
By feeling the skull of an opposing team mate, whoever can guess their mental illness first wins. Extra points for correctly identifying their mood and their criminal tendencies.
Write your senator now and petition for the addition of these fine high school sports!
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