Top 5 Books Narrated by the Dead

Whether told from beyond the grave or from the undead, these books are narrated through the eyes of the dead.  The dearly departed.  The no longer alive. Those devoid of life. However you say it, these narrators are dead and their lifeless states are not a surprise.  Therefore, NO SPOILERS!

5. Thirteen Reason Why by Jay Asher

Told through cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker to explain why she committed suicide.  There seem to be quite a few YA books that feature death as a character or narrator, but this one is one of the most popular (also see Before I Fall by Lauren Oliver).

Deadliest line:

I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life.  More specifically, why my life ended.  And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why. (Chapter 3)

4. Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters

A collection of short poems in the form of epitaphs, all of the 200+ poems tell of the lives and deaths of the residents of Spoon River.

Deadliest line comes to us courtesy of 'Knowlt Hoheimer':

I was the first fruits of the battle of Missionary Ridge.

When I felt the bullet enter my heart

I wished I had staid home and gone to jail.

For stealing the hogs of Curl Trenary,

Instead of running away and joining the army,

Rather a thousand times the country jail

Than to lie under this marble figure with wings,

And this granite pedestal

Bearing the words, "Pro Patria."

What do they mean, anyway?

3. Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion

Narrated by zombie R as he navigates the world feasting on flesh (when he has to) and hanging out in the airport.  His "life" is altered when he meets Julie, a girl who looks delicious but he won't eat her.  Why?  She makes him almost...feel something...which is not a familiar sensation to a zombie.

Deadliest line:

I am dead, but it's not so bad.  I've learned to live with it.  (Chapter 1)

2. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

This book is narrated by Susie Salmon, a girl kidnapped and murdered, while she watching from heaven.  How did she die?  Could she have prevented her death?  How is her family handling her death?  These are all questions that Susie Salmon has and the audience learns the answers as she does.

Deadliest line:

He had put me in a waxy cloth sack and thrown in the shaving cream and razor from the mud ledge his book of sonnets, and finally the bloody knife...tumbled together with my knees, fingers (Chapter 4)

1. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

This title comes in at number one because it is, quite literally, narrated by Death.

Deadliest line:

...at some point in time I will be standing over you, as genially as possible.  Your soul will be in my arms.  A color will be perched on my shoulder, I will carry you gently away. (Chapter 1)

Top 5 Songs About Fairy Tales

When I first think of a song list, I start with a wide net.  Then as I realize how many songs fit into that category, the net shrinks and shrinks until it's ridiculously small.  I don't like to choose "obvious" songs or huge pop hits.  Mostly because everyone knows these songs and including them on a themed list doesn't come as a surprise.  For example, this list is about fairy tales.  Therefore, "Cinderella Man" by Eminem and "Little Red Riding Hood" by Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs (you know, that song that gets drilled into your head at Halloween) are not on this list.  This is not to say they are not good songs, but if I went up to a random person and asked them for a song about a fairy tale and gave them ten minutes, they could probably come up with one of these two songs.  Instead, I prefer to make lists that are a little bit more esoteric, lists that may make you take a listen to a song you have never heard before. 

*Note* it is a complete coincidence that 3/5 of these songs are based on Hans Christian Andersen stories

Therefore, here are my rules for "Top 5 Songs About Fairy Tales":
1) No nursery rhymes (ex. Jack and Jill, Humpty Dumpty, Mother Goose)
2) Must heavily feature a fairy tale/fairy tale character
3) This fairy tale must be "classic" and part of the old fairy tale canon (nothing too modern)


5) "The Little Tin Soldier" by Donovan
Based on: "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" by Hans Christian Andersen

Fairy tale-iest lyric:

The little tin soldier was thrown away and into the gutter he rolled.

The water carried him to the sea and may far-off lands

Yaas queen

4) "Emperor's New Clothes" by Panic! At the Disco
Based on: "The Emperor's New Clothes" (duh) by Hans Christian Andersen

Fairy tale-iest lyric:

I'm taking back the crown

I'm all dressed up and naked

I see what's mine and take it

This preview image is creep-juice

3) "The Red Shoes" by Kate Bush
Based on: "The Red Shoes" by Hans Christian Andersen

Oh the minute I put them on

I knew I had done something wrong

All her gifts for the dance had gone

It's the red shoes, they can't stop dancing

Kate Bush looks exactly like Mary Steenburgen

2) "Cinderella Stay Awhile" by Michael Jackson
Based on: "Cinderella" by Charles Perrault

Cinderella, I just know that the magic slipper's gonna fit

Cinderella, do not go

You're my princess, I'm sure of it

Disney/Michael Jackson mash-up

1) "You Got to Suffer A Lot to Be Happy" by Sunny and Share Love You
Based on: "Cinderella"/"Rapunzel"/"Little Red Riding Hood"/"Sleeping Beauty"/"Snow White"

Rapunzel killed ten thousand hours up atop that locked-up tower

It's not fair

That's a lot of solitaire

A lot of braiding her hair

It gets lonely up there

Admittedly, the inspiration for this list

Top 5 Songs from 1987 (Thirty, Flirty, & Thriving, Part 2)

When I set out to write a post about the best songs of 1987, I honestly thought I would be scraping the bottom of the jukebox for whatever songs are even remotely worth listening to.  Surprisingly, though, my birth year came through for me again!  Not only did I find enough songs for this post, I found a ton more for future posts!  You lucky, reader, you.
This list is five of my favorite songs released in 1987--either in single form or part of an album.  Taking into account future blog posts, they do not include covers, guilty pleasures, and songs with killer music videos.  There are a lot of song that won't make this list that are, traditionally, considered "classic" songs.  Since I don't care what is considered classic, such artists as U2 can suck it because they are annoying and I don't like them.

5. "Don't Dream It's Over" by Crowded House
Most recently covered by Miley Cyrus and Ariana Grande at the One Love Manchester Concert, this song has staying power.  This could be because of it's ethereal sound or positive message, but I prefer to think it's because it uses one of the coolest words in the English language--deluge.

deluge (del-yooj) n. 1. a heavy downpour 2. a word that makes every song wicked cooler

4. "Beds Are Burning" by Midnight Oil
When I was a kid, I used to think this song was so deep.  "How can we dance while the earth is turning?", I would contemplate.  I didn't know why someone would sleep in a burning bed, so I didn't think about that line near as much.  Had I know it was about giving Australian lands back to the Pintupi people, I probably wouldn't have thought the whole "turning earth" metaphor very cool.

3. "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" by Beastie Boys
This song was the sixth single off Licensed to Ill and the second released in 1987 (the album was released in 1986).  I honestly changed which song I was going to pick four times beause I couldn't pick just one.  I was there when they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2012 (mostly to see Donovan) but was pleasantly surprised to see how much of the crowd was there to see them!   It was amazing to hear the audience say the opening lyrics to "Paul Revere" along with Chuck D.  I just rewatched a few RnR Hall of Fame videos on YouTube and, dang, they all gave me the chills.

Ignore Kid Rock and instead focus on the dude rockin' out on the tuba

2. "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues
It may be a Christmas song, but it still rules.  The fact that this song can cut through my grinchy Christmas heart makes it pretty special.  For more on why I love this song, please see my post "Top Five Underrated Christmas Songs."

In case you ever wondered if the NYPD Choir actually sang "Galloway Bay," click here.

1. "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure
This song has one of my favorite opening verses ever.  There's nothing else I will say about this song, because I love it so much and can't explain coherently why.  Just to show how much I love this song, I spelled "coherently" wrong twice before I got it right.  If I tried to explain, though, it would read something like: "OMG THIS SONG IS THE BEST! It's about sex but it's also super romantic and GOD I LOVE THIS SONG."  You're welcome from being spared 20 more sentences of that.

Top 5 Movies from 1987 (Thirty, Flirty, & Thriving, Part 1)

Yours truly turns 30 this year *cue gasps of disbelief* and in preparation for my sweet birthday gala, here is Part One of my 'Thirty, Flirty, & Thriving' blog series in honor of the year of my birth--1987. Shoulder pads, big hair, and sensual jazz solos will have their day, but today is for MOVIES!

*Disclaimer, there are tons of movies released in this glorious year, but these are the best of the ones I have seen.  Ergo, Wall Street and Harry and the Hendersons are noticeably absent*

5. 3 Men and a Baby

Gutenberg, Ted Danson, and Tom Selleck's majestic 'stache...and a baby, of course.

Fave quote (because I always think of this when reading something to a baby)

Peter: [reading a review of a boxing match in a hushed, storytelling way] The champ caught Smith with a savage left hook...
Michael: What are you reading her?
Peter: [responding to Michael in same tone] It doesn't matter what I read, it's the tone you use.  She doesn't understand the words anyway, now where were we?

Check out that radical 80s font!

4. Moonstruck

Cher is a national treasure and Nic Cage is, arguably, the best worst actor to ever walk to earth.

Fave quote
Old Man: [uncomfortable silence at kitchen table] Someone, tell a joke...

*bonus Cage fun here*

3. The Princess Bride

This movie has everything: romance, adventure, rodents of unusual size, and Billy Crystal but the best thing about it is that, thought it's 30 years old, it doesn't show it's age a bit.

Fave quote

Miracle Max: Get back, witch!

Valerie: I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!

2. Planes, Trains, & Automobiles

Is this movie dated?  Sure.  But COME ON!  It has Steve Martin AND John Candy!  You honestly can't get much better (except, arguably, for the movie at #1).

Fave quote

Motel Clerk: Do you have seventeen dollars and a good watch?

Del Griffith: No, I don't.  I have uh...two dollars...and a Casio.

*Bonus gif because I love you*

1. Spaceballs

I don't care that The Last Emperor won the Best Movie Oscar this year, Spaceballs is the real winner in my book.

Fave Quote #1

Dark Helmet: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lone Star.

Lone Starr: What?

Dark Helmet: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Lone Starr: What's that make us?

Dark Helmet: Absolutely nothing!  Which is what you are about to become.

Fave Quote #2 (because this movie rules)

Colonel Sandurz: Are we being to literal?

Dark Helmet: No you fool, we're following orders.  We were told to comb the desert so we're combing it. (shouts to Troopers) Found anything yet?

Trooper with Comb: Nothing yet, sir.

Dark Helmet: How about you?

Trooper with Second Comb: Not a thing, sir.

Dark Helmet: What about you guys?

Trooper with Afro Comb: We ain't found shit!

For a list of other movies released in 1987, click here

Ten Years in the Bookstore, Part 2

Ten Years in the Bookstore, Part 2

In the tradition of Nick Hornby's Ten Years in the Tub, here are the books I bought in January 2017.  These are books bought at a bookstore (new or used) but excludes library bag sales, books gifted to me, or books I borrowed from the library.

1. Tudor: Passion. Manipulation. Murder. The Story of England's Most Notorious Royal Family by Leanda de Lisle

Not to brag, but there isn't much more that I could learn about Tudor England that I don't already know, but that won't stop me from buying a good book on it if I can!  Plus, I got to buy this book and the three below at The Strand Bookstore in NYC, so Tudor History plus a huge bookstore equals literary love.

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2. Dust: The Archive and Cultural History by Carolyn Steedman

A much more abstract analysis about archives than I was expecting--haven't decided if that's a good thing or not.

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3. Jane Austen: An Illustrated Biography by Zena Alkayat and Nina Cosford

Look at it!  It's so cute!  And at only six inches it's adorably compact, too!

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4. Helen Keller: From Darkness to Light by Megumi Sugihara, illustrated by Naoko Takase

Just what I needed--another biography of Helen Keller.  But this one is manga!

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5. Light in My Darkness by Helen Keller

My personal Helen Keller reference shelf continues to grow...

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6. Teacher: Anne Sullivan Macy by Helen Keller

And grow...

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7. My Religion by Helen Keller

And grow...