Top 5 Books on the Satellite of Love's Bookshelf

In the not too distant future, the MST3K reboot will be coming to Netflix.  Everyone who has ever watched the show knows that cultural references abound and are the backbone of the show's humor.  Arguably, more references are made to other television shows or movies, but there are enough  literary references to go around.  In what I think is one of more ingenious inventions presented in the Invention Exchange, Joel and the bots present "Cereal Novels," where a book is attached to a cereal box.  Because, seriously, how often do you find yourself reading the same crap on your cereal box?!

"You can start your day eating Lucky Charms, while reading Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow.  It's magically obscure!"

Well, until MST3K is back we have the original series, Rifftrax, and this here list of five books I think the Satellite of Love would have on their bookshelf.

Sorry, one of them is not The Pelican Brief, because, clearly, they already have that.

5. Minnesota Mayhem

by Ben Welter, The History Press, $19.99, ISBN: 9781609495978, Paperback

The first season of MST3K aired on Minneapolis on KMTA in 1988, so it goes without saying that references to Minnesota abound, not to mention creator Joel Hodgson's native Wisconsin.

"Oh yah, ya gotta dress for it, don't ya know."

4. Robot Builder's Bonanza

by Gordon McComb, McGraw-Hill, $30.00, ISBN: 9780071750363, Paperback

Why can't Joel and Mike stop the torture of sitting through all of these terrible B-movies,  you ask?  The answer is in the theme song, "He used those special parts to make his robot friends."  So it goes to reason that some knowledge of basic robotics would be required, ergo, this book.

3. Waffles: Sweet, Savory, Simple

by Dawn Yanagihara, Chronicle Books, $16.95, ISBN: 9781452107035, Hardcover

I'll let Joel and the bots explain their love of waffles, because, after all, they do it best...

"Oh my god, my waffle!  Oh the humanity!"

2. Everything You Need to Know About Snakes

by DK Publishing, $15.99, ISBN: 9781465402462, Hardcover

One of the most iconic lines in MST3K history comes in Season 5, Episode 6 with "Eegah."  Starring the swarthy Arch Hall, Jr. and the larger-than-life Richard Kiel, this line is not actually spoken by anyone in the film--which is why Joel and the bots make a joke about it for the rest of the series.

"Who said that?"

So next time you're traipsing through the desert in your business suit or scuttling around in your dune buggy, remember to watch out for snakes!

You said it, Arch Hall, Jr., you said it.

1. The Art of the B-Movie Poster

edited by Adam Newell, Gingko Press, $39.95, ISBN: 9781584236221, Hardcover (coming in October 2016)

I think it's safe that, while the movies may be terrible, the posters are pretty stinkin' beautiful.

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Because I seriously love this show and want you to appreciate it too, here are some of my favorite lines from the show...

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Top 5 Books on Ron Swanson's Book Shelf

Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson may not be a fan of the library...

but his bookshelf is probably stocked with these Swanson-approved titles:

5. The New Case for Gold

by James Rickards, Portfolio, $26.00, ISBN: 9781101980767, Hardcover

Ron's belief in the value of gold is prevalent throughout the series and his hiding places are intricate and nearly impossible to find.

"I've heavily invested in gold which I've buried in several different locations around Pawnee...or have I?" <sneaky look to camera>

4. The Wealth of Nations

by Adam Smith, Modern Library, $26.95, ISBN: 9780679424734, Hardcover

Ron Swanson's love of America is legendary and, after all, what's more American than capitalism?

"Capitalism is the only way.  It's what makes American great, England okay, and France terrible."

3. My Best Mathematical and Logic Puzzles

by Martin Gardner, Dover Publications, $5.95, ISBN: 9780486281520, Paperback

How much does Ron Swanson love solving riddles?  I'll let him tell you...

"I hate riddles and other such nonsense, I want that on the record."

2. The Furniture Bible: Everything You Need to Know to Identify, Restore & Care for Furniture

by Christophe Pourny, Artisan, $35.00, ISBN: 9781579655358, Hardcover

"After I got home, I drank six more glasses of whiskey and then I finished crafting this small harp, using a band-saw, a spoke-shave, and an oscillating spindle sander."

1. Man Up!: 367 Classic Skills for the Modern Man

by Paul O'Donnell, Artisan, $14.95, ISBN: 9781579653910, Paperback

Above all, Ron Swanson is a man's man and he doesn't take kindly to weakness...

"Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men.  From men into gladiators.  And from gladiators into Swansons."

Click here for more Parks and Rec children's book covers.

Top Five Literary References from FX's 'Archer'

'Archer' is full of random cultural references, some more obscure than others...

A running theme throughout the series, though, has been Archer's many literary references. Below are the top five referenced most often and/or are the ones that made me laugh the most.

5. Where the Red Fern Grows

by Wilson Rawls, Yearling Books, $7.99, ISBN: 978-0440412670, Paperback
Referenced in Season 2 Episode 4: "Pipeline Fever" and Season 5 Episode 6: "Baby Shower"

Synopsis: A young boy living in the Ozarks achieves his heart's desire when he becomes the owner of two redbone hounds and teaches them to be champion hunters.

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Archer: I'll plant a red fern for ya jug.

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Remy (to his dog, Annie): And some guard dog you is!  Annie!  Annie?  Aw, well that's just great.  Now both my dogs is dead!  (pan to shot of Old Dan's grave)

4. Of Mice and Men

by John Steinbeck, Penguin Books, $11.00, ISBN: 978-0140177398, Paperback

Referenced in Season 2 Episode 2: "A Growing Concern"

Synopsis: Two laborers, George and Lennie, work from ranch to ranch in the Salinas Valley of the 1930s, frustrated in their hope of having a place of their own.

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Len: Actually can I have all of it?  And the bunny attached to it?  He is attached, right?  Can I have the bunny and the lettuce?

Archer:

Len: And the lettuce!

Archer: ...sure thing.  Go to town.

Len: Yeah, 'cause you know...they're brothers.

Archer: Um...is he always gonna be like this now because I feel bad.

3. Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall Street

by Herman Melville, in Billy Budd, Bartleby, and Other Stories, Penguin Books, $11.00, ISBN: 978-0143107606, Paperback

Referenced in Season 1 Episode 6: "Skorpio"

Synopsis: A Wall Street lawyer hires a new clerk who, after an initial bout of hard work, refuses to make copy and any other task required of him, with the words "I would prefer not to."  The lawyer cannot bring himself to remove Bartleby from the premises, and decides instead to move his office, but the new proprietor removes Bartleby to prison, where he perishes.

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2. The Hobbit

by J. R. R. Tolkien, Del Rey Books, $8.99, IBSN: 978-, Paperback

Referenced in Season 1 Episode 8: "The Rock," Season 2 Episode 4: "Pipeline Fever,"Season 2 Episode 13: "Double Trouble," Season 4, Episode 2: "The Wind Cries Mary," and Season 6 Episode 9: "Pocket Listing"

Synopsis: Bilbo Baggins, a respectable, well-to-do hobbit, lives comfortably in his hobbit-hole until the day the wandering wizard Gandalf chooses him to take part in an adventure from which he may never return.

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Archer: Let's see, so judging from the shell ejection she was firing at...What I really hope was not an Ent.  Because that is, like, the last thing we need--an Entmoot.

Archer:

Troy: Dude.  Seriously, not that it's gonna matter in thirty seconds...but what is your problem?

Cyril: Well, besides Lana ditching me...

Troy: For what, an Entmoot? Ya know, cause she's got those big-ass tree-hands?

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Lana: Where's the hobbit guy?

Archer: [laughs] A frickin' hobbit works here?

Lana: No, he's just a...

Archer: Lana, they're called "little people," not "hobbits."

Lana: Will you--he's a hobbit enthusiast!

Archer: Ew.

***

Archer:

Bilbo:

Katya: One ring?

Archer: No, don't engage him, from there it's all just orcs and gollums and balrogs.

1. Animal Farm

by George Orwell, Signet Book, $  ISBN: 978-0451526342, Paperback

Referenced in Season 3 Episode 10: "Space Race"

Synopsis:  A satire on totalitarian government where a farm is taken over by its overworked, mistreated animals.  With flaming idealism and slurring slogans, they set out to create a paradise of progress, justice, and equality. 

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Cadãron: Meat is whatever the tiger says is meat,

(Shane the tiger roars)
Archer: Hang on, buddy.  And thank you, George Bore-well, for that clunky analogy in defense of totalitarianism, but I'm not feeding Shane an elephant.

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Astronaut: I didn't sign up for Animal Farm in space!

Archer: Wait, there are animals?

Lana: Wh--? No, Animal Farm?

Cyril: How do you not get that?

Archer: No, I know what an animal farm is.

Cyril: Not an animal farm.

Archer: Maybe we can stampede a flock of goats down the hall.

Lana:

Archer:

Though I was talking about an actual animal farm, so never mind.

For a mash-up of all literary references from Archer, click here.
For a complete list of Archer's cultural references, click here.