A Literal Bar Crawl...Off a Cliff...After Beating a Dead Horse

Tonight I am embarking on what may be my first bar crawl.  I can't remember if I have ever done--officially that is.  I am now contemplating if participants in said bar crawl would have to take it literally.  Now I realize that the term "bar crawl" is a reference to imbibing too much and having to literally drag yourself to the next bar because you cannot stand upright, but what if you had to crawl form the beginning?  Not only would attendance most likely be down for such an event, but I can imagine it now...cue imagination music...

A trail of twenty-somethings crawling down Allen St.  Amid the wails of anguish over broken glass jabbing into your hands and knees, there is a chorus of "oh my godddd!!!! This dress is, like, newwwwwww and now it's, like, ruined.  What the hell?"  Drunken crawlers not looking where they're going only to headbutt a lamppost.

While participating in this debacle would  not be an option for me, it would be quite amusing to watch.

We have "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and "Opposite Day," but why not "Take Everything Literally Day?"  It can be today--September 28!  Here is a brief list of things that would have to be taken literally on "Take Everything Literally Day":

1. Go jump off a cliff.  

 Result: Death

2. "Just do whatever you think looks best, Ms. Stylist." 

 Result: Sadistic stylists giving people mullets and hot pink perms.

3. After a particularly stressful day asking, someone to "please kill me."  

 Result: Death

4. Bottomless drink specials

  Result: A wet shirt and massive tummy ache

5. It's like beating a dead horse.

 Result: A mutilated dead horse.

6. Watching commercials demanding you buy something now.  

Result: Empty bank account, overspend your credit limit, and bankruptcy (I know this picture doesn't have much to do with bankruptcy, but I think it's hilarious).

In summation, this day would cause untold financial, mortal, and mental damage but it is fun to imagine :)