5. "High Fidelity" (1999) Starring John Cusack (Rob) and Jack Black (Barry) as record store owner and employee, respectively.
This is the movie that has provided the lovely topic of my blog: Top Fives
Rob: Just c'mon. What would it mean to you, that sentence - "I haven't seen Evil Dead II, yet"?
Barry: Well, to me it would mean you were a liar. You've seen it twice: once with Laura - Oops! - and once with me and Dick, remember? We had that conversation about the guy making Beretta shotgun ammunition offscreen in the 14th century.
4. "Seven Psychopaths" (2012) Starring Christopher Walken (Hans) and Sam Rockwell (Billy) as dog-nappers.
Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, I believe that wholeheartedly.
Billy: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left, who's still got one eye! All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Gandhi was wrong, it's just that nobody's got the balls to come right out and say it.
3. "Help!" (1965) Starring The Beatles (as themselves) and Victor Spinetti as Professor Foot, a mad scientist.
Professor Foot: With a ring like that I could - dare I say it? - rule the world.
2. "Lost in Austen" (2008) Starring Jemima Rooper (Amanda) and Tom Riley (Wickham) as two outsiders in Regency England.
Mr. Wickham: Miss Price, I fear that your life with Mr. Collins may be short of gaeity. If you find yourself nonplussed by the anticipated pleasures of married life, call upon me and I shall redress the deficit.
Amanda Price: Full marks for trying, George, but I wouldn't have my deficit redressed by you if you were the last man on earth.
1. "In Bruges" (2008) Starring Colin Farrel (Ray) and Brendan Gleeson (Ken) as hit men in Bruges, Belgium.
Ken: Coming up?
Ray: What's up there?
Ken: The view.
Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.
Ken: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.
Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Top 5 Places You Will Never Find Me
Have I gone missing? Did I run away from home to become a hobo? If so, I can assure you, I did not escape to any of these places.
1. A Hookah Bar
I revile pot in every way, shape, and form. If want me to leave your house post haste, break that shit out and I'm gone. Though hookah bars don't serve pot (at least not in New York), to me hookah=pot-smoking device. Therefore, sitting on a dirty floor, on a dirty pillow, sharing a pipe with people I wouldn't even share my Pepsi with is not my idea of fun. "But it's just flavored tobacco!," you whine? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I'm not going to go buy cherry cigars, so what makes you think I'm going to pay to smoke some nasty bubbling crap that supposedly tastes like it? Leave hookah's to the caterpillars, my friend.
2. The state of Utah
Utah is the only place that would accept Joseph Smith. Why? Because no one else flipping lived there. Therefore, why would I want to go somewhere that New York, Missouri, and Illinois didn't want? Answer, I wouldn't. They scare me: period. I'd rather go to hell than Utah.
3. A Republican convention of any kind
A room full of white dudes and deluded old people is my idea of the second circle of Hell. I'd like to see those old people get around without their Medicaire-paid scooters or those white dudes retire without Social Security or health benefits. Then we'll see who is still at aforementioned convention.
4. A Dave Matthews Band Concert
The same rules apply here as in #1. I hate pot, so I will not be hanging out with a bunch of high, dirty hippies screaming "DMB!! Wooo!!". There are two kinds of people in this world: the ones like me who can't stand Dave Matthew Band and those who love them to the point of obsession. You've seen them with those stupid stickers on their cars and you want to rear end them just as much as I do.
5. An NRA convention
If I was given the choice between an NRA convention or watching a bear fight, I will watch bears rip each others eyes out all day (p.s. I don't condone bear-baiting). An NRA convention is a bunch of old white dudes screaming about the Second Amendment. Newsflash: this isn't 1776, so you don't need your musket to protect your kin against the red coats. The Constitution has been adapted, has evolved, and has been adjusted to fit our changing society and the Second Amendment doesn't get to be exempt from that.
You can agree or not, but you've read this far.
1. A Hookah Bar
I revile pot in every way, shape, and form. If want me to leave your house post haste, break that shit out and I'm gone. Though hookah bars don't serve pot (at least not in New York), to me hookah=pot-smoking device. Therefore, sitting on a dirty floor, on a dirty pillow, sharing a pipe with people I wouldn't even share my Pepsi with is not my idea of fun. "But it's just flavored tobacco!," you whine? Is that supposed to make me feel better? I'm not going to go buy cherry cigars, so what makes you think I'm going to pay to smoke some nasty bubbling crap that supposedly tastes like it? Leave hookah's to the caterpillars, my friend.
2. The state of Utah
Utah is the only place that would accept Joseph Smith. Why? Because no one else flipping lived there. Therefore, why would I want to go somewhere that New York, Missouri, and Illinois didn't want? Answer, I wouldn't. They scare me: period. I'd rather go to hell than Utah.
3. A Republican convention of any kind
A room full of white dudes and deluded old people is my idea of the second circle of Hell. I'd like to see those old people get around without their Medicaire-paid scooters or those white dudes retire without Social Security or health benefits. Then we'll see who is still at aforementioned convention.
4. A Dave Matthews Band Concert
The same rules apply here as in #1. I hate pot, so I will not be hanging out with a bunch of high, dirty hippies screaming "DMB!! Wooo!!". There are two kinds of people in this world: the ones like me who can't stand Dave Matthew Band and those who love them to the point of obsession. You've seen them with those stupid stickers on their cars and you want to rear end them just as much as I do.
5. An NRA convention
If I was given the choice between an NRA convention or watching a bear fight, I will watch bears rip each others eyes out all day (p.s. I don't condone bear-baiting). An NRA convention is a bunch of old white dudes screaming about the Second Amendment. Newsflash: this isn't 1776, so you don't need your musket to protect your kin against the red coats. The Constitution has been adapted, has evolved, and has been adjusted to fit our changing society and the Second Amendment doesn't get to be exempt from that.
You can agree or not, but you've read this far.
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