The Attack of the Italian Spider Whore

Day: August 10, 2013
Where: Welland, Ontario, Canada

11:35am Rapelje Lodge Activity Room: Blogger spots a GIANT spider crawling across floor and demands that paternal figure squash it with all due haste.  Paternal figure tentatively approaches MASSIVE spider from the side and steps on it with his clog-clad foot.  Out from GIANT spider emerges several tiny smaller versions of what we now was a COLOSSAL mama spider.  Maternal and paternal figures as well as this respected Blogger recoil in disgust.  Blogger demands paternal figure to promptly kill spawn of GINORMOUS mama spider.  Paternal figure fumbles to find a paper towel, is successful, and proceeds to kill baby spiders.  Declares that he has "done the lodge a favor" by ridding it of this vicious spider foe.

actual size

11:45am Rapelje Lodge Activity Room:  When grandpaternal figure is asked the name of his sisters, he finishes his list by saying that the latter named sister "sometimes gave it" and "sometimes didn't."  Since grandpaternal figure speaks 85% Hungarian, this declaration was made all the more epic.

11:58am Rapelje Lodge Nurses Station: En route to determining lunch time, this Blogger was accosted by an Italian lady. Lady asks this Blogger's name and whether or not she is married.  When blogger responds in the negative, she is then asked if she has a boyfriend.  Blogger is quick to tell Italian lady that she does not, and high-tails it back to the now spider-free Activity Room.

12:02pm Rapelje Lodge Lunch Room: Aforementioned Italian lady is awaiting her lunch and asks aforementioned Blogger her name and marital status.  Blogger again responds that she is free of the bonds of matrimony and finds the more preferred company of her grandpaternal figure.  Blogger is grateful she only has to answer these questions when she is around old people, as they seem to think it is their duty to congratulate you on your wedded bliss or respond "good, you don't need one" when you disabuse them of this notion.

12:30pm Shopper's Drugmart: Blogger finds a sweet pair of Kermit the Frog ear bugs AND headphones on clearance.

While memories of MASSIVE mama spider will continue to haunt this Blogger and her family for the rest of their lives, Kermit has managed to save the afternoon.