I read today that Kentucky has officially made bass fishing a high school sport. The other state, oddly, is Illinois. If I were a state sport official (which is about as likely as me being able to successfully serve a volleyball) I would make the following sports available to high school students. Hey, maybe someone so volleyball-impaired as myself could even be able to join one while I was in high school. Doubtful, though, since I didn't like staying too long after school and only exerted effort in three areas: Badminton, Big Ball, and Square Dancing. Anyway, here are my genius ideas:
1.
Prospecting
With education budgets being slashed in this country, get the kids to make some extra cash by sending them out into a creek with a pan and a shovel.
2.
Shoe shining
The kids learn a useful, if increasingly outdated, skill. Also, the teachers can use their remarkably shiny shoes as mirrors to keep an eye on kids...or look up cheerleader's skirts. Maybe even get one of these bad boys:
3.
Hopscotch
Add incredibly long courses, a complex set of rules, sudden-death elimination, and "Wipeout"-style obstacles to this childhood game and watch this innocent schoolyard activity become a violent blood orgy.
4.
Rubix Cube
While it may not be 1983 anymore, put those video-control fingers to good use and exercise that brain! Instant elimination if you get caught peeling the stickers off and putting them back on. Instant win if you can do it without anyone noticing.
5. Phrenology
By feeling the skull of an opposing team mate, whoever can guess their mental illness first wins. Extra points for correctly identifying their mood and their criminal tendencies.
Write your senator now and petition for the addition of these fine high school sports!
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