Do you want a stern reprimand? Do you want to watch someone mildly freak out? If the answer is yes to either of these, then commit one of the following five cardinal sins in front of a member of my family and prepare to be amazed. You have been warned.
1. Rock an empty rocker. Do it, I dare you. You will feel a strong hand on the chair and brisk "Don't rock an empty rocker!" We will then go about our business as if nothing untoward occurred.
2. Put a pair of shoes on a table. The dirt your shoes pick up DO NOT belong on the same surface in which you eat--fact. Some of us even take offense to socks on a table--social behavior scientists would have a field day with this.
3. Put a pair of shoes on a bed. Ditto, but replace "eat" with "sleep." For either 2 or 3, it doesn't matter if the shoes are brand new in their box--DO NOT DO IT. We will have a hernia.
4. Say that Frank Sinatra is better than Al Martino. You will receive stink-eye the size of Alaska. Say this in front of my Grandmother, and you will never have access to her magic fridge of ice cream. Future boyfriends/girlfriends take note.
5. Date a man with dirty elbows. You might as well dump them now.
Are some of these unique to the city we live in? Maybe. Are they unique to my family? Ask anyone we've ever yelled, "GAH! DON'T EVER DO THAT!" to.
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