1. Justin Bieber
Is he a gangster? The boy next door? What's with the tattoos? I just don't get him. And anyone that has a nickname like "Biebs" or calls their followers "Beliebers," deserved a shift kick in his saggy pants. Take the quote below, compliments of the Biebs:
Deep stuff from Justin...I'm glad it takes a fan giving up for him to respond--and with such an inspirational message, to boot. Here's my advise to Justin, stop making music and become a motivational speaker. People will just, like, totally be inspired by your words of, like, wisdom, you know?
2. Miley Cyrus
She's already half way there. Have you seen a picture of her lately? She looks like the target audience of her father's music--a redneck, dirty, beer-swilling, high school dropout. She should just take the logical next step from marijuana to cocaine and her life will go the way of many a child-star--washed up and in rehab before age 25. Plus, if your dad was Billy Ray, wouldn't you get addicted to some hard drugs? I would...or live on a commune and tell people my dad is an accountant. Let's end this with a quote by this lovely, intelligent lady...take it away Miley:
3. Kristen Stewart
She already looks the part. She chain-smokes like a 70 year old woman at bingo, dresses like a bag lady, and talks like she just emerged from an opium-induced haze. I can't stand her movies and now I know why--she doesn't want to make them for people like me (or anyone else, for that matter):
"I don't want to make movies for kids, and I don't want to make movies for adults either."
4. Robert Pattinson
Same arguments as for his beloved--chain-smoking, homeless, anemic-looking boy straight out of a Charles Dickens novel (if Charles Dickens were a 12 year old girl). He even has the street-rat mentality to physical hygiene:
"I really don't see the point in washing you hair."
And I don't see the point in continuing my argument.
5. Taylor Swift
She sings about being the lonely girl next door, but she's done pretty much every guy in Hollywood under the age of 35. This hypocrite-next-door should just pick a side--and I vote for the one where she's in Celebrity Rehab by 2015.
"I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that's it."
I didn't know the girl next door sleeps with a ton of guys and then writes lame songs about how they broke your heart. Last I checked, this "home girl" wasn't short on male attention. Stop sobbing about your relationship troubles and write a song with some emotional integrity. You might actually send a message to your tween listeners that they can actually use--just ask Justin Bieber about what inspires fans. It will change their life, you know?
Is he a gangster? The boy next door? What's with the tattoos? I just don't get him. And anyone that has a nickname like "Biebs" or calls their followers "Beliebers," deserved a shift kick in his saggy pants. Take the quote below, compliments of the Biebs:
"People write to me and say, 'I'm giving up, you're not talking to me.' I just write them a simple message like, 'Never give up', you know? And it changes their life."
Deep stuff from Justin...I'm glad it takes a fan giving up for him to respond--and with such an inspirational message, to boot. Here's my advise to Justin, stop making music and become a motivational speaker. People will just, like, totally be inspired by your words of, like, wisdom, you know?
2. Miley Cyrus
She's already half way there. Have you seen a picture of her lately? She looks like the target audience of her father's music--a redneck, dirty, beer-swilling, high school dropout. She should just take the logical next step from marijuana to cocaine and her life will go the way of many a child-star--washed up and in rehab before age 25. Plus, if your dad was Billy Ray, wouldn't you get addicted to some hard drugs? I would...or live on a commune and tell people my dad is an accountant. Let's end this with a quote by this lovely, intelligent lady...take it away Miley:
"I almost feel like people think of me as dumb...I'm like, I'm smarter than you think. You know, I understand what you're trying to do. It's all a mind game and what not."
3. Kristen Stewart
She already looks the part. She chain-smokes like a 70 year old woman at bingo, dresses like a bag lady, and talks like she just emerged from an opium-induced haze. I can't stand her movies and now I know why--she doesn't want to make them for people like me (or anyone else, for that matter):
"I don't want to make movies for kids, and I don't want to make movies for adults either."
4. Robert Pattinson
Same arguments as for his beloved--chain-smoking, homeless, anemic-looking boy straight out of a Charles Dickens novel (if Charles Dickens were a 12 year old girl). He even has the street-rat mentality to physical hygiene:
"I really don't see the point in washing you hair."
And I don't see the point in continuing my argument.
5. Taylor Swift
She sings about being the lonely girl next door, but she's done pretty much every guy in Hollywood under the age of 35. This hypocrite-next-door should just pick a side--and I vote for the one where she's in Celebrity Rehab by 2015.
"I suffer from girlnextdooritis where the guy is friends with you and that's it."
I didn't know the girl next door sleeps with a ton of guys and then writes lame songs about how they broke your heart. Last I checked, this "home girl" wasn't short on male attention. Stop sobbing about your relationship troubles and write a song with some emotional integrity. You might actually send a message to your tween listeners that they can actually use--just ask Justin Bieber about what inspires fans. It will change their life, you know?
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